Disney Ruined Star Wars VI
Episode VI: Return of Good and the Really, Really Bad.
We are done with the Skywalker Saga and that leaves two more movies; Rogue One: A Star Wars Story and Solo: A Star Wars Story. I will not be talking about the Mandalorian because I refuse to pay for Disney+ so I haven't seen it.
In 2016, after the disappointment of The Force Awakens, I was very hesitant about the “stand alone” Star Wars movie called Rogue One but since it was a Star Wars movie I was going to see it anyway. I saw it in IMAX with my son and I was very impressed. They call it a stand alone movie but I don't know why. You can watch Rogue One and immediately turn on A New Hope and it doesn't miss a beat. I think it answers a question that many Star Wars fans including me have had for thirty years. Exactly how did the Rebellion acquire the Death Star plans? I have heard people complain that all the characters die in the movie but I think that is a perfect way to deal with the fact that none of them are in any of the remaining movies. Many critics accuse the movie of pandering to the hard-core Star Wars fans. They also maintain it doesn’t break any new ground, just giving the viewers a sadder, version of the galaxy where Episode IV takes place. I would say yes it does, but if you can’t appreciate the vision of George Lucas and what he created then you just don’t get it. Star Wars has always been a cultural icon and you shouldn’t change an icon, lest you end up with the disasters that are Episodes VII, VIII and IX. Besides, the galaxy is supposed to be a sad place. Remember, the Empire is in charge, and all the beings living in the galaxy are oppressed.
I have to admit it did not start out well for me. Every Star Wars movie that had gone before, started out with a crawl, setting the scene and introducing the main themes, but not Rogue One. It started off in space like every other movie, just no crawl.
The movie follows the journey of Jyn Erso, daughter of Death Star scientist Galen Erso. After her mother is killed and her father is essentially kidnapped by the Empire, she starts working with Partisan leader Saw Gerrera to hurt the Empire whenever she can. She is eventually abandoned by Gerrera and becomes disillusioned with fighting against overwhelming force. She learns through the movie that some things are worth fighting for no matter the cost. She visits a few new worlds and meets the usual rag tag group of rebels. Eventually, she tries to convince the leaders of the Rebellion that they must do everything possible to get the secret plans and destroy the Death Star but they haven't reached the point where they can see the need to make the ultimate sacrifice in the name of freedom. Jyn decides she will get the plans herself and embarks on a mission to the Imperial Data Storage Facility on the planet Scarif to steal the plans. However, she doesn't have to go alone as a group of twenty rebel soldiers as well as her group, accompany her on this unauthorized mission. There's a land battle and a space battle once the Rebellion finally decide to get involved. The plans are eventually transmitted to the rebel fleet just before the facility is destroyed by the newly arrived Death Star. Darth Vader also arrives and tries to get the plans, killing a bunch of rebels in the process, but fails watching a Corellian Corvette racing away from him. Cue Episode IV.
I've never really been a big believer in what the critics say. The critics think the movie should have expanded the Star Wars galaxy into areas that it hasn’t gone before, they don’t actually say what, but I’m sure it they wanted the movie to be more woke, more like Avatar. However, I think this is exactly what a Star Wars movie should be. George Lucas said he wanted his galaxy to look lived in. Rogue One certainly meets that requirement. it has a very real feeling, it's very gritty and sometimes I think you can smell it.
I also think that the development of Jyn Erso was much better than the development of Rey. Rey never really changed as a character, it was always about her and finding a home. Jyn has a complete journey, from a jaded person who didn't really care about anything other than herself to someone who cares about others and is willing to die for a cause greater than herself.
That’s all I have to say about Rogue One. I would rank it the third or fourth best Star Wars movie because it is really a prequel to Episode IV. Now that I have tackled the good I will focus on the bad. Solo: A Star Wars Story.
Since there is just too many things wrong with Solo to list. I will write a adaptation of what I would have done if I were in charge.
First, this adaptation is based on three books written by Ann C. Crispin. The Paradise Snare, The Hutt Gambit and Rebel Dawn, they were released between June 1997 and March 1998. You can buy them here: The Paradise Snare , The Hutt Gambit , Rebel Dawn.
The story starts off with a nineteen year old Han Solo living on the Trader’s Luck, a vessel captained by the barbaric Garris Shrike, he had taken Han off the streets of Corellia fifteen years before and had been using him and other street kids in scams against the locals for years. He had gotten rich off the crimes but his crew never saw any of the profits. Han's only friend is an old Wookie cook named Dewlanna, she protected him from Shrike and taught Han, Shryiiwook, the Wookie language that no human had the vocal cords to speak. Han dreamed of entering the Imperial Academy and becoming a pilot. Eventually he made plans to escape on a robot freighter heading for the planet Ylesia. Shrike finds out about the plan and is furious. Dewlanna saved Han's life at the cost of her own but Han made his escape.
Ylesia is a jungle world and home to a religious community known as the One and the All. Ylesia has a very turbulent atmosphere where top notch piloting is absolutely necessary. Han had to take over for the robot pilot but brought the ship down safely. The priests of this colony are a species called the t'landa Til,
cousins of the Hutts, who have the ability to broadcast feels of love and contentment they call the Exultation, the pilgrims become addicted to it and will do anything to get it.
After his performance landing the robot vessel Han is hired as an off world transport pilot but is told he’ll need a “body guard” because of feeling of animosity towards the pilgrims on other worlds. He is introduced to a Togorian, called Muuurgh. Han and Muuurgh tour the facilities of the colony
and Han meets a pilgrim known as 921 who Han has fallen in love at first sight. He recognizes that she is a fellow Corellian and convinces her to tell him her real name, Bria Tharen.
Before long Han discovers that the entire operation is really a way to enslave the pilgrims and force them to refine spice in large factories as a money-making venture for Zavval the Hutt and his organization. After Han shows Bria what is really going on, she decides to escape with Han, however Muuurgh is a problem and threatens to kill Han. Han is saved and Muuurgh agrees to take part in the escape when Bria mentions another Togorian she saw, who turns out to be Muuurgh’s mate, Mrrov.
To cover their escape Han blows up the largest of the spice refineries. Panic ensues as billions of credits worth of spice goes up in flames. Han and Bria raid the head priest’s art collection, stealing the most valuable items. As fire spreads around the Colony, secondary explosions cause the ceiling of the priest’s collection room to collapse onto Zavval the Hutt, crushing him. The trio hijacks the priest’s personal yacht, rescues Mrrov and flies away to Togoria, where Muurgh and Mrrov get married. Han and Bria decide to sell the stolen artwork and use the proceeds to fund Han's entrance into the imperial Academy on Coruscant.
When they arrive on the capital planet, Han is almost arrested while trying to withdraw his money. The priests had reported his activities on Ylesia to the authorities and Han has to run for his life. When he finally shakes pursuit he is distraught that he won’t be able to enter the Academy. A day later Han returns to his apartment he finds that Bria, who is still suffering withdrawal from the Exultation, has left to work through her issues, but not before getting a loan for Han from her rich father. Han uses the money and is admitted to the Imperial Academy. He becomes an exemplary cadet and an even better pilot. As he graduates his Imperial career is a bright light ahead of him.
When we next see Han, six months later, he has be drummed out the the Imperial Navy for saving a slave’s life, not only was he kicked out, he has that giant Wookie slave following him around saying he owes Han a life-debt. Han keeps explaining to the Wookie, whose name is Chewbacca, that he only saved him to repay a debt that he had to Dewlanna but Chewbacca won’t leave his side. He wins Han over after he saves him from an incensed Barabel after a game of sabacc where Had may or may not have cheated.
Seeking work as a smuggler , Han and Chewie, make their way to Nar Shaddaa, the Smugglers' Moon. However, within a few months, Solo seeks greater opportunities and eventually gains employment with Jabba the Hutt. Solo quickly proves his skill to Jabba and is given tougher and more exciting assignments, including the infamous Kessel Run. Han had never been happier since Bria had left. By now, Chewbacca had proven himself a very capable and valuable partner in the smuggling trade. Han established himself as one of the best smugglers in the galaxy, and became Jabba's favorite. However, the astronomical bounty offered for Solo by chief priest of Ylesia, Teroenza, was still available and Han was continually dodging bounty hunters. One day Han was returning to his apartment when he was shot with a toxic dart. The toxin prevented any willful action on the smuggler's part and total obedience to whomever spoke. In this case Han was in real trouble because the voice that spoke, belonged to the most feared bounty hunter in the galaxy, Boba Fett. Luckily for Solo, a professional gambler and rogue named Lando Calrissian needed a pilot to teach him to fly and knew that Han Solo was the best. He witnessed Boba Fett capture Han but was able to sneak up on Fett and stick a blaster into his neck. Lando used Fett’s poison on the bounty hunter, disarmed him and gave Han the antidote. They ordered Fett to fly his ship to the edge of the galaxy, they knew the poison would wear off before that but Fett would be far away by then.
As payment for the flying lessons, Lando let Han choose a ship of his used spacecraft lot that he currently owned. He ship had picked was a battered SoroSub Starmite freighter he named the Bria, but it was Lando’s ship, the Millennium Falcon, that he really wanted.
Things were going well for Han and Chewie, now that they had their own ship they got a bigger cut of their smuggling fees and both were happiest when making upgrades to the Bria. However, things in the galaxy at large were not going smoothly. The Emperor was displeased with the amount of smuggling and lawlessness in his domain and the sector controlled by the Hutts that also containing the Smuggler’s Moon was the biggest thorn in the Empire’s side. Moff Shild had been bribed by the Hutts for years but with a direct decree from the Emperor, he denounced the corruption. The Hutts picked Han to to visit Shild on Coruscant because of his familiarity with Imperial military procedure. When Han arrived on Coruscant to meet with Shild, he was horrified to discover Bria Tharen there, she appeared to be Shild's mistress. Shocked and devastated at seeing her in that situation, Solo left Shild both emotionally distraught and unsuccessful. The one piece of information, Han was able to glean from Shild is that Admiral Winstel Greelanx would be commanding the attack force. Solo was also sent to meet Greelanx and offer a bribe, that was too big to refuse. Greelanx accepted an exorbitant bribe, in exchange for his battle plans allowing the defenders of Nar Shaddaa a fighting chance. That chance was all they needed and though the battle did not go as smoothly as it could have, the smugglers were able to defeat the Imperial forces, however, Han and many others were left with severely damaged ships.
After the battle Lando Calrissian told Han that he was going to be away for awhile at a high stakes sabacc tournament in Cloud City. Solo decided he would go too, and maybe win enough to buy a new ship. At that sabacc tournament, Han works his way through the ranks finally making it to the final table, where he faces his friend Lando Calrissian and three other gamblers. Eventually it was down to just Han and Lando and after a few hands, Han is way ahead. Lando wants one more hand but can't cover Han's initial bet. He says he will put up any ship on his used ship lot as collateral. Han was excited because he knew that Lando had came to Bespin in a space yacht and the Millennium Falcon was there. After a very intense final hand including a twist when the last card is revealed, Han had won. He immediately says that he picks the Falcon. Lando is incensed, saying the Falcon wasn't one of the ships he meant but is trapped by his words and reluctantly agrees to Han’s claim.
Han begins upgrading the freighter into a highly specialized smuggling vessel and makes a trip to Kashyyyk so Chewie could marry his sweetheart Mallatobuck. After two years and many adventures, Han returns to Nar Shaddaa and finds himself face to face with Bria Tharen. She is not the mistress of an Imperial Moff, but a intelligence agent for the Rebellion. She tells Han she is planning an all-out attack against the slave colonies on Ylesia but needs the help of the Nar Shaddaa smugglers. Han personally vouches for Bria and she gets the needed assistance. The mission goes off without a hitch until it’s time for the smugglers to get their promised cut of the spice that was captured. Bria and the rebels turn their blasters on the smugglers and take all the spice to fund the Rebellion. Han is disgraced in the eyes of the smugglers and leaves Nar Shaddaa for good.
With the Smuggler's Moon closed to him, Han returns to Jabba the Hutt. He takes a job from Jabba for a Kessel run and is returning from the spice planet when he is intercepted by an Imperial patrol ship and has to dump his load in space. He accompanies the patrol ship to a nearby planet to attend to some paperwork. When they finally return to the drop site the spice is gone! Han returns to Tatooine and tries to explain to Jabba what had happened but the Hutt just wants his money back. Desperate for money Han meets Chewie at Chalmun's Cantina, where Chewie tells him, he's spoken to two people asking for transport to Alderaan. Han says that should be easy money and enters the dark cantina.
I don’t know about you but that looks like a much better movie that the one that was made. I wish Disney weren’t such idiots and used the Legends book for movie ideas. They could be making Star Wars movies until the end of time.
Finally we are done with my rant against Disney. The next time you hear from me it will be on a totally different topic. I don’t know what yet but it won’t be Star Wars related.
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